The Taciturn In Me

I am so very happy it is Sunday night. Because this means I made it through last week. It is mostly a jumbled up mess of memories but I will still try.

1.23
Sunday sunrise in black and white.


I spent most of Sunday afternoon organizing the craft area in my bedroom. Henry can't stand it when I do things that make me walk around a lot. He just follows me around and sits on the nearest rug.
Here is Henry sitting.


Here is the finished craft area.


The picture is Chief Joseph; peace seeker. He is my favorite part.


Side table with more craft stuff.


Drawer full of ribbon that I will always want to organize but never will.


The whole area.


1.24
On my drive to teach yoga. I absolutely love these towers. I think they are just plain pretty. I'll never tire of taking pictures of them and I love being able to see them stretch across corn fields...on my Monday night drive to yoga, I get excited to see this line of towers. I swear they go all the way to Iowa.


1.25
Tuesday. I didn't feel like taking many pictures on this day. And I don't think it is a coincidence that my camera took this picture of nothing. I can hardly begin to describe what it feels like to be told that you no longer have a job. I absolutely prepared myself for this and could feel the swell of change coming months ago. I did not prepare myself for the heartache. I loved that place. I love my clients even more. I sat taciturn in an office while two people told me that in 10 minutes I would have to leave the place I spent nearly 7 years working. I still can't tell you much of what they said to me; I swear I only heard a buzzing in my ears so loud I thought my head would explode. I hated the looks on their faces. I hated not being able to say goodbye to anyone. It all hurt my feelings, a lot. And it continues to do so. I know it will be fine. I know I will find another job. I know it was time to move on. I know I'm ready to not be so damn sad about it.


Let me tell you this though. I have the best family, friends and boyfriend. I do not think it was a coincidence that I received an email that afternoon from one of my oldest friends. We had not talked in so long and reading her email was such a bright spot in the day. And then there is my friend Erica. We don't live close to one another anymore which is it's own tragedy...so we don't get to see and know each other like we used to. But something about Erica you should know is that when she knows I'm sad or that something/someone has hurt me, she is my biggest supporter. She will e-mail, text and call with a dedication that I have never returned to her. I took this picture late Tuesday night. I love these little glasses. Erica and I bought them as a set at an antique show and split them.

That night Andrew made me dinner and bought some wine. He put the wine in this little juice glass. There is part of me that has felt sad for him this week...I feel sad that he has to be around someone that for a few days had a hell of a time smiling. He still tried though. I am so very lucky I know him.

1.26
Wednesday felt worse than Tuesday. I realized I have had a job since I was 13. I think today I felt just how much self-worth I put into my job. This cannot happen again. I only took one picture on Wednesday and it was this:

Andrew took me out of my apartment and out of town to eat dinner. We went grocery shopping after and so I think that was when I took this picture; although I don't remember doing it. The angle makes me feel dizzy but I still think it is pretty.

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Thursday's picture is a cheat. I didn't take it but my sister did. She sent me pictures of my nephew Sam that made me smile. Here is my favorite:


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Last weekend I did a 3 day cleanse. I still can't believe I didn't have any coffee during that time. Instead I drank things like barley water and carrot-ginger-red pepper-spinach juice. I realized on Monday night (end of day 3) that I felt calm. I suppose looking back this cleanse was some good timing. Calm before the no-job storm. I realized that on Thursday I was still juicing my breakfast (carrot-orange-ginger is a dream) and drinking grass-like water and still just following a lot of the cleanse. I love it. I think it is absolutely worth trying. I got the cleanse idea (and a lot of other amazing health information) from the documentary Food Matters. Watch it and be prepared to never buy food in any sort of package again. Cheers.


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Friday night's sunset. There are so many birds that hang out on this tree outside my living room windows. Their relentless chirping and that sunset reminded me that Spring is coming. Change is good and healthy. My heart might feel like I'm pumping lead but I still feel a lot of hope.

1.30
Saturday night was good. Andrew and his band played at at little bar in Ft. Wayne called Dash-In. The place is small and not really shaped properly for concerts. But the feeling of so many friends in one place listening to amazing music was very calming.


One of the guys played a song for me. He knows I love that song and I really do. It is a song that makes me want to run out of happiness. Here are 3 out of the 6 of the guys:


Week four is over. Thank you God. Keep Calm and Carry On.