Every Man Has His Kingdom

This week was so so busy. This isn't a complaint, just a fact. Because I was so busy, I didn't take as many pictures as normal and I had a hard time remembering what I did and when and with whom and je suis confuse.

1.13
Sunday is sort of a blur. I think that just means I didn't do anything. I did take a picture of this paper cutting I did in December. It was my dad's Christmas gift. He loves it. But that moose nearly ruined my holidays. I ripped those damn antlers at least 10 times. And the mountains turned out more like gray pyramids....despite all this, my dad loves it. So much so that he brought it to my house and left it on my desk so that I could fix the pyramid-mountains (I'm currently adding snow to those mountains, hope it helps). I love how much he loved this gift. My dad is a hunter, he always has been. And although I absolutely hate the "sport" of killing animals and everything in me is against it, I can't help but feel a little nostalgic about it because it is something he loves to do. I grew up with his kills hanging from the basketball goal for everyone on the school bus to see. And I knew better than to ever go into the shed after Thanksgiving unless I wanted to see the guts of a deer up close. I will move on to Tuesday now, I've almost got myself in tears.



1.14
Ohhh weee. Valentine's Day. I'm sorry I took another picture of food. Andrew and I went to Taj Mahal, one of two amazing Indian restaurants in Ft. Wayne. The funny thing about Taj Mahal is that they play really terrible Christian music. It just makes the place feel really funny but I love it there; food is awesome and employees are sweet.


This was Andrew's meal. Monster Cafeteria Vegetarian Indian dinner. Still looks awesome.

1.15
I felt like I was constantly coming home and then leaving again all week. Henry quickly caught on to this schedule. Every time I went to leave, I couldn't find him. Then I noticed his little pattern...he ran and hid under this chair anytime he saw me gathering all my things to leave. It was a true effort. Good work, little Hen.


One thing I did Tuesday was really difficult. I went back to my former workplace for the first time. I pictured everyone being mean to me and not caring at all that I was there. I knew it wasn't true but what happened felt really personal so I couldn't help it. I was really really wrong. My old boss screamed my name when I walked in and gave me the biggest hug. I was there to turn in my paperwork...paperwork that officially said I can never work there again. I knew 3 weeks ago that I would make that decision but it took me every ounce of those 3 weeks to decide to walk back into that building. I took a picture of my feet as I left. It felt kind of final so I had to take a picture of something.

I went there after 3pm, meaning none of my old clients were there. I may have done that on purpose. It seemed really overwhelming to see old co-workers AND clients all at once. The secretary encouraged me to come back and come back soon...she said one of my old clients cried about me every morning. I started to cry when she told me this but it really just affirmed that I needed to come back later in the week.

1.16
On Wednesday, Andrew and I met his parents for dinner half-way between their town and ours. It was really nice. I always like being around them...I don't feel like I have to talk a lot and if I do I feel like they really want to listen. I took a picture of the sunset as we were driving to meet them. I love being able to see a sunset in winter. Wow wow.


When we got home I made cookies. I meant to make them on Monday; for Andrew for Valentines. But I ran out of time. So Happy Valentines Wednesday to Andrew and all his roommates.


1.17
Big day today. Henry and I took our first walk outside. He did really well...usually the first time we go for a walk means that he is either dragging behind or running ahead and barking just for the sake of barking. I think he was just happy to be outside.

Henry staring at the sun.


Oh and I had a job interview on Thursday. My first one. I didn't get the job but a lot of good came from the interview. It just so happened to be at the school where my oldest sister teaches. After the interview, I walked down to her classroom to see her...it is one thing to know that she is a teacher but quite another to see her teaching. It was amazing. I almost cried because I was so damn proud of her. Her path leading up to this job wasn't exactly easy. For the larger part of her college career she was a single mother. She worked a lot and struggled a lot but did it all with a smile. When I was little, she would let me hang out in her bedroom. She had a huge record player and let me pick out what I wanted to listen to...which meant I always picked Michael Jackson's Bad album and we danced, a lot. Man, she is such a great sister...lucky me.

Another important note about Thursday. I went to lunch with my friend Andy. This is great news. Mostly because we've been through some shit...for lack of better words. Honestly, nothing makes me happier than still being friends with someone even after that friendship has been put through the washing machine on double rinse and dried on high heat.

One more Thursday item. I went back to my former workplace. I saw my old clients. I cried a little but felt a lot of love. I miss them terribly. It still feels like a devastating loss...I can't see them everyday but I can visit and I'll be welcomed with open arms and lots of smiles. I can handle that even if it's with a little heartache on the side.

1.18
I was in my sweats and in my bed by 8:30 pm on Friday. Not sleeping, just reading, drinking tea and being a true meemaw. At 9pm my parents called and said to meet them at the Rusty Dog for a drink. Something is wrong here, our roles have reversed a little. I'm happy I put on real clothes and went to meet them.


1.19
So one night this week I had a little meltdown about not spending enough time with friends. Andrew heard me loud and clear. He bought me two tickets to see Steel Magnolias (the play)...one of our friends was in the play and I was really wanting to go see her...he told me I had to pick a friend to go with...I went with my friend Katie and had a really good time. When I first met Katie, she intimidated the hell out of me. I don't really remember why, I think maybe because I knew she knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew her and a lot of people liked her...this meant she was awesome and probably wouldn't like me. She isn't intimidating anymore, instead she is one of those people that is very comforting to me.

Tickets to the friend show.

Saturday night James & The Drifters had another show. It was wonderful. They sang some of my favorite songs and I sat with some of my favorite former co-workers.


One more picture...this week was so warm I didn't wear socks all week. Hot damn. Spring is coming (sort of)!



I healed a lot this week. I felt real joy. I felt calm. I feel happy.

(note: this week's title is from a poem I wrote this week. see poem blog for details.)